Chinese Weddings and my Experience with my Homestay thus far

所有的中国人都是我的老师。This phrase (All Chinese people are my teachers) may best describe my experience in China so far, particularly within my home- stay. For those in China for the first time, I feel that each day is a learning experience. Whether it is learning to dodge traffic across the street, peel grapes, watch your back for sneaky electric bike riders, to bargain ferociously, the language, or Chinese culture, every day includes a new lesson to be learned. This learning experience has been most evident within the confines of my Chinese home- stay or as I would rather call them, my Chinese family.

I recently had the opportunity to attend and in some ways take active part in my Chinese older brother’s wedding. This is where I got my lesson on Chinese culture for the day, and I really want to share my experiences as I think others will find them quite interesting and in some cases humorous. Having been to a few American weddings, the differences were stark, and I often found myself wondering what exactly was going on. The day began around eight when most of my mother’s family gathered at our house before heading to the wedding ceremony. After a typical breakfast of baozi (bread with a meat and vegetable filling) and milk, we left in a train of cars whose drivers consisted mostly of co- workers and friends. We arrived at a hotel close by and then went in. We then went up to the bride’s room and began a process of negotiating for the bride’s family to open the door and let us in to the room to pick up the bride to go to the wedding. After several rounds of negotiating, which included a surplus of coaxing (through the cracked door), excessive knocking or pounding on the door, the exchange of countless hong bao (decorated red envelopes filled with money), and a song sung by myself (thankfully per-prepared for the IES singing competition the night before) the bride’s family allowed us in. Then we were finally permitted to accompany the bride to the wedding after the groom found the bride’s shoes, which were hidden only for the groom to find. Once arriving at the wedding venue, another hotel, it took all of a few minutes to realize that the wedding about to take place was going to be much different than the American weddings I have seen. This realization came as I entered the room to the tune of the Star Wars sound track, followed by Olympics music. The differences continued, ranging from the lack of a formal hand off of the bride to the groom by the bride’s father to an exchanging of gifts between the bride and groom and their new parents-in-law. After watching the bride and groom move from table to table toasting and playing games prepared for them by guests, the wedding was over and it was time to head home.

While getting to go to a Chinese wedding was an absolutely incredible experience, what I think what has been the most fulfilling part of my home-stay experience is actually feeling like I am now part of a Chinese family. It’s hard for me to explain why I feel this way or how I came to feel this way. I am in the lowest level of the language intensive program, and while my Chinese improves daily, my conversations with my family seldom pass the level of most three or four year-olds. What I do know is that there is some feeling of understanding and love between my host mother and I, even if I only understand about thirty percent of what she says to me. This is where my opening statement that 所有的中国人都是我的老师 relates. Living in a home- stay, not only do I learn new Chinese words, phrases, and culture on a daily basis, but I also learn about love and being part of a family. Before I ever met my home- stay family I made a decision that I wanted to become a part of the family, not just be a foreign exchange student. With this mind- set I have learned so much about how I should love my own family in the U.S. I feel that often times having grown up with our parents and siblings for our entire life we lose intentionality in establishing and building relationships with them. I know that this is a truth in my life and one that I seek to change. Each day in China, I think about making an effort to spend time with my mom and brother. It started out as simple as just doing my homework in the living room, and has moved to day trips with my host mom, which often include my friends as well. It’s this intentionality that I have learned the most from. Seeing how simply making an effort to spend time with someone has fostered a relationship that I would associate with familial love, has forced me to think about how poorly I have invested in my relationships with my own parents. It’s forced me to think of ways I can begin to make this intentional effort when I get back to college in America. Through the process of learning to become a part of a Chinese family I feel that I have not only realized the value of my own family and the depth to which I love them, but also how to better express my love for my family. While, I greatly value the learning of the Chinese culture and Chinese language that my home- stay family leads me in, it is the knowledge I have gained on loving my family that I treasure the most. I will conclude by saying I love you Mom, Dad, and Kiersten, and I can’t wait to see all of you this Christmas.

- God Bless

Colton Houseman- 何凯涛